Could “dragging the kids to church” be a good thing?

Ok, no one should literally drag their kid to church, but I think you get the gist.

Who wants to go to church with kids who don’t want to be there? What kid wants a church experience where they have to go?

In a culture of expressive individualism (where one’s own feelings reign supreme) we should just let kids be, right? Let them do their own thing? Parent(s) can enjoy church on his or her own? (Besides, we don’t want our kids to grow up hating the church.)

While this line of thinking may appear right, there’s data that paints a different picture:

The Institute for Family Studies recently released an article entitled, “Is Religion Traumatic for Kids? New Data Suggests Otherwise.” In it, the writers refer to a Baylor research study that demonstrates the long-term benefits of regular church attendance.

According to the study, those who regularly attended services as children went on to report a positive lasting impact on their emotional and relational lives.

The article says: “Adult men and women who attended religious services at least weekly at age 12 were more likely to report that they were currently “very happy,” more likely to report that they receive “a lot” of attention from others, and less likely to indicate that they were frequently bored….”

Counter to the narrative of “not wanting to drag our kids to church” we may actually be catapulting our kids into a better future by encouraging them to attend church regularly.

Why would this be?

The article goes on to say the following: “Children who grow up in religious communities are usually given more opportunities to serve and to receive the emotional benefits of community in return. These children are also given a wider social context to structure their understanding of what is right and wrong, which can in turn strengthen their relationships with their parents and other authority figures, as well as their peers. Finally, their faith may provide them with a spiritual metanarrative that imbues their life with a greater sense of purpose and meaning.”

In other words, God’s beautiful design for the church was lovingly created to foster human flourishing. He knew what He was up to when He created the church. 

So what does this mean for parents?

1) Parents are invited to have conviction. 

There is nothing wrong with a parent wanting to prioritize the weekend gathering of the church. You are not being cruel. You shouldn’t feel guilty towards anyone for such a desire. You can believe that with all of your heart and put a stake in the ground. 

What will be more important will be modeling and example-giving. Do the children see their parents prioritizing the church gathering for themselves? Do the kids see their parents saying “no” to other things to prioritize their church? Our deepest values are often more caught than taught.  

2) Parents are invited to loving conversation. 

It’s one thing to hold a conviction, but it’s another thing for it to be wisely and compassionately flushed out in relationships. This is where honest and humble conversations can become sacred spaces.

Some conversations will be the parent spending more time listening to the frustration of his or her child. Other times will require more speaking and painting a picture of why church-going is important and beautiful. These can be important places of mutual understanding despite disagreement. 

Conclusion

My parents made it clear church was non-negotiable. I had to go to church as a kid. (And I couldn’t be more grateful for it.)

I realize others may have a very different experience with church and so I speak humbly. I recongition there are seasons when we need to take a step back. There are seasons when we need to tend to a unique circumstance in our lives. 

At the same time, we can also affirm God’s beautiful design for his church. We can believe it’s meant for human flourishing and therefore step into it with confidence.

If you’re a parent, I want to encourage you to prioritize the church gathering. It isn’t just a “good thing,” it’s an investment for your child’s future.

If you’re a parent with a child who doesn’t want to go to church, I want to encourage you to reach out to your pastor, small group leader, and friends for prayer. God can move the hardest heart. He can do it.

It’s not about dragging our kids to church but catapulting them into a better future.