Pastor, Your People Will Be Frustrated At You (And That’s Okay)
Ok, so your people probably shouldn’t be frustrated at you to the point of wanting you fired.
That would be an unhealthy frustration.
I am not talking about a justified frustration towards a pastor who is lazy, entitled, or incompetent. I’m not talking about annoyance towards poor leadership. (That is deserved!)
I’m talking about a low-grade frustration because of decisions that are not understood or misunderstood. I’m speaking of an annoyance rooted in people not getting what they want (without realizing they’re getting what they need). I’m talking about a natural frustration some will have towards God’s under-shepherds.
This low-level frustration might be a healthy sign of good leadership.
In “Lead Like A Shepherd: The Secret to Leading Well” Larry Osborne writes, “Every shepherd has to occasionally make his sheep do something they don’t want to do [Reference: Psalm 23]. It’s an unpleasant but necessary part of leadership. A good shepherd doesn’t take a poll to see where the sheep want to go. He finds out where the sheep need to go and then leads them there.”
This scenario could play out pertaining to a theological concept the people would prefer to ignore. It may be in how things are done such as the implementation of a strategy.
But this brings us to an important reality: Pastors need to get comfortable with the discomfort of the sheep’s frustration toward them.
A pastor cannot be liked by everyone all the time. A pastor cannot be perfectly understood by everyone all the time. A pastor needs to get comfortable with shepherding frustrated sheep. Don’t get me wrong. I am a fan of wise, strategic planning with clear and compassionate communication. I believe in leading well! But I agree with Osborne when he writes, “It’s impossible to lead well if we aren’t willing to be misunderstood.”
I believe embracing this frees pastors to the following:
1. You’re free to love people more than trying to be liked by them.
It is really hard to serve someone while trying to be served by them. This is what happens when a pastor’s idol of people-pleasing or approval plays a bigger role than the pastor’s desire for God’s people to be pleasing to their God. A helpful question worth asking on occasion is, “Will this decision help people like me more? Or will this decision help our people see God more?” While that question doesn’t resolve everything, it always ends up resolving something in my own heart.
2. You’re free to be firm without losing your feelings.
There’s a temptation to think that empathy is incompatible with decisiveness but this is not true. Jesus was incredibly compassionate and very decisive. Think about this for a moment: Jesus never once gave in to someone else’s opinions but was the most loving and compassionate person to have ever lived. Pastor, you can hear someone’s complaints. You should truly listen and empathize. And you can also hold fast to a principle or decision with conviction and humility.
3. You’re free to have a long-range perspective rather than a short-term one.
Would anyone say a good parent makes popular short-term decisions for their kids while hurting them in the long run? No. In the same way, pastors are tasked with making decisions that will impact the people later down the road. I have seen too many occasions of people not being well cared for because a pastor’s fears tunnel-visioned them to short-term thinking. A good pastor takes the impact of the sheep’s perceptions (true or untrue) and leads them to still waters.
Conclusion
Doesn’t Jesus shepherd us this way? Could you imagine if Jesus bent to our every whim or frustration? But Jesus is secure in the Father. He never entrusted himself to man (John 2:24). And because he was fully secure, he was able to serve God’s people to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Pastor, you are not going to be understood by everyone. And that’s okay.
Neither was Jesus. You’re in really good company.
